the i-zombi Deceleration of Corporatist War.

ok so i have countless times explained that paying below the low income cut off line is basically saying that an employee must take a vow of poverty for the company. This is wrong in my mind. all my ranting and raving will not change it.

Instead its economic warfare.

i cant wage war like Google or General Electric. I simply don't have the resources. (because i'm paid poverty wages).

But i can wage a guerrilla campaign!

In order to blend in i give nice customer service. they say customer service is key to business. But i royally piss off one person each shift. to the point that if they return, they are quite appeased. I damage at least one package as well. depending on my managers actual treatment of me i may or may not damage inventory. (manager deals with returns).

It is the customer that makes the business.

it is the customer that tis with in my direct reach. i am both figuratively and literally nearer them than the CEO's who dictate this poverty on us.

The customer that shops at a minimum wage labor camp is not only consenting by default to the overlords treatment of us, but also the necessary enabler.

any guilt i feel for my annoyance in their day is more than eclipsed by the shame i feel each month as i beg for money to cover the rent.

for those that say " if you didnt damage the product the company could afford to pay you more", they know nothing of economics or human behavior. action arises out of incentive. if the corporation has no incentive to pay better then they will not chose to. I can not plead with the CEO's humanity to raise the pay wage, as any office drone who put forth that action with out showing an end "gain" would be fired and forced to live on the front lines with me.

The only way to bring about this change is to spread the word to all povertywagers. and when we are the "victim" of our own type of "attacks", we simply inform the solder in front of us that we too are in the war and they must fill there daily anti-service quota with some one else!

listen to your heart?

it seems odd to me when ever some one tells me to listen to my heart, or conscience or "that small voice". you see at one point in time i had auditory hallucinations. now don't worry it only said nice things, but obeying them would prove disastrous. theres a world of difference between thinking , thats a nice bum i should slap it, and doing it... to a stranger... on a bus.. full of paraplegics...

I jest, but seriously could you possibly live in a world where the "id" ruled? or even living in a world where my id ruled me...every time some one tells me to just be myself or listen to my heart I want to get mad at them, i know they don't want me to go to prison, but thats what there advice amounts to. maybe there are people out there who's little voice says "do the dishes", and "stay home tonight and study", maybe. but my voice says "toss the plates out a 3rd floor window and see if you can create an impromptu mosaic" or " stay home tonight and doodle naked people instead of studying".

I'm just saying, please don't tell me to listen to my heart unless you really think i should obey the little genital shaking voice in that situation.

thanks

(hip wagging)

later you guys!

mess

emotionally i must have finally reached puberty. It seems today i am no longer content ( or what passes for me being content) with labeling the mess i make of life as art. I now crave another mess maker. I want to corroborate with someone on a project. maybe an epic display of life as mess, or mess as life, or ... well i'm open to other themes. its not the medium or the message, its the art, artist, experience, and collaboration.

i zombie (too)

the little box screams and my eyes open. in a flash the world transitions from meaningful, to real. the world forces me to crave brains, decisions have to be made. my feet hurt when i wake up from spewnding hours standing on tiled floor. just part of some cosmic penance i must pay for. I must have been a natzi or worse in a past life, and now i work retail to atone for those sins. I hobble to the washroom and feel the cold tile on my shoulder as i lean. the wall creaks under my weight , but it holds. it has to hold, as i drain my self of the work my kidneys have done through the night. What must have they been in a past life? the mind recoils against chaos theory. its easer to believe i was a natzi marching thousands in to bleach showers; to believe that i could choose to be so evil, and that this life is my cosmic jail term. instinctively i reject that this life just happens. cause and effect, my scientific brain pleads for a reason. "no rest for the wicked" i murmur to the emptiness. I'm quoting a kit-cat commercial.

the showers never warm, but at least today theres water pressure, some days it just fades away. as if the pluming in my building has gone on dialysis. those days you stand under the trickle of watter using the sides of your hand like a squeegee trying to pull the shampoo away from your self. whats left of the personality still feels shame when it realizes that its failed in this squeegee task. it still manages embarrassment, when some customer with rotting tooth breath pauses from berating me for the pricing decisions he feels i have control over, pauses and breathes the rotting tooth smell heavily at me, looks in disgust at the soap residue left lingering on my collar. the personality still manages shame. i wince slightly as the gum i'm chewing to make sure that same decaying bone smell doesn't waft into another's face, the gum finds its way in to one of my own missing fillings, maybe i kicked puppies in my last life as well.

i look to the stupid with a mixture of envy and rage. i want to bash there head in and gnaw on the gray matter inside. it makes sense to them that a part time employee sets the price, is at fault. what wonderful deeds must they have done in there last lives to have earned the blissfulness of being stupid.

theres a sign by the punch in clock that reminds me to smile, because to the customer , i am the company. i wounder what the brains of the moron who devised that sign would taste like, would it taste better if i had fallen on him as he submitted his little slogan to his superior, begging for approval like a dog thats fetched the wrong stick?

mmmm brains BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINSSSSSSSSSSSSS for the love of god please some one show you have brains!

i zombie (part one)

this isn't life. like ok, i'm not dead, my mom doesn't have to grieve and no one has to deal with remains, but i'm far from alive. any time i fill out profiles on singles sites, i post camping as one of my interests. but how the fuck would i know. i haven't gone in over 3 years. its been months since i've seen a family member. I had originally thought that when i moved i could web cam in for special family occasions, but it seems that after the first attempt that went bad because no one thought to tell me the day, that it has become to much of a hassle. My own grandmother sent me a letter informing me that it would be to much of a hassle to take a free flight out to see me. this isnt a pity party, i'm just pointing out that what i'm doing isn't living. my social interactions have eroded to the 2 or 3 people who click like on facebook statuses. I check that shit hourly in the vain hope that some how my life is still connected to this world.

I'm surviving off a part time job at minimum wage. cant go home because i have to pay for the hovel i live in. land lords dont give a shit if youre a student, you have to sign a year lease you know. Fuck tards any way. so i cant afford rent in 2 places.

ya part time work is awesome for the time off, if you enjoy sitting around broke all day waiting fro your shit evening hours where you spend a quarter of your shifts pay on microwave rice that you have to down in 15 minuets, less if you count the 2 minuets it takes to walk to the lunch room; and two minuets back.

i have some friends, but the problem with new friends is it costs money to do stuff. we don't know each other well enough to be ok with killing a day playing vids, or window shopping or even just heading to the park.

this isnt pity , its just the realization that nothing i do has any resemblance to having a life. Impoverished student is closer to being dead than alive, except you know the others having to go through the grieving thing. Im not offering the world happiness, all my existence is gaining for the planet is to stave off a negative emotion. preventing a negative is hardly a life.

if i could get some hours at work, just enough to get the bills covered and let me book a week off, id go hitchhiking, it doesn't cost any thing except the lost work time. and it would have to be more interesting than this living death. in the movies when some thing is dead but still walking around, we call them zombies, and they shoot em in the head.

ya thanx grannie your letter made me feel much better

cellar door

My status as an Aboriginal has always been for the purpose of exclusion. I have been considered white or Native depending entirely what would serve the other persons ends, never my own. Once in grade 9 on a late Friday night I was walking home from a friend’s house. A truck with the cab and box full of drunken high school “”jocks” roared past me. They yelled “Fu-ing Indian” as they slammed on their brakes, piled out of the truck, and chased me down. I took a few hits and kicks before I was able to escape and jumped over a few fences, running through people’s yards. I made my way home by going through fields and parks trying to avoid road ways. I emerged from the last field a block from my house. As I passed the ally, a Blackfoot man named Darcy came out. He called me a “fu-ing whitey” and punched me a few times. As I was already sore, I ran. This night is just the most extreme case of a pattern that has followed my entire life. I was excluded from Whites along with the other Indians; and excluded from the Indians for being white. My high school friend, (name removed), finally told me she couldn’t be seen with me anymore because her other friends were accusing her of becoming an apple like me. An apple was someone who was red on the outside but white on the inside. The connotation was someone who had turned their back on their culture. Even as I was saddened, it was the first time I had felt included. At least they were able to see I was red.

I don’t feel white on the inside. I was just raised outside my culture. The only story I have to connect me is one my grandmother tells. She was adopted by a white couple and raised on the prairies. 70 Years ago the Indians would still occasionally go past with their travois. She tells me of how her mother would hide her in the cellar or a closet for fear that they would try to steal her back. Afterwards her mother would tell her about how they were bad people. And point to the fact they never took care of their horses properly. When she grew up she started trying to discover who her birth parents were. After years of looking, she hasn’t been able to find the truth. She’s been told the microfilm that the adoption records were put on to in the 60’s or 70’s have a thumb print distorting the area containing her information. She’s scoured old newspapers, taking clippings and trying to compare information. There are theories and speculation, but she remains a woman with no history.

On school records and government forms, they ask if you want to be recognised as an aboriginal. The next box asks for a status number. If you leave it blank, either your application disappears or you receive a phone call asking you for proof. The nice lady eventually offers to just “whiteout your mistake” and check the other box. You say “thank you”. And spend the rest of the day avoiding road ways, looking apprehensively at alleys.

They can’t steal you back, But your still locked in the cellar.

veiled revolutionaries

The burka ban fails S.15 of the charter of rights and freedoms.(the one we pushed through without Quebec, which then spawned the Bloc).When the supreme court tells them they have to remove their law, the separatist are going to rile everyone up about "Anglo-phones pushing them around" (how dare we deny their right to be bigoted racists?). This will cause them to try to vote for separation. Which, the supreme court ("member them?) Have already ruled Quebec can't have.

Cue movie-commercial voice, " When they had no legal recourse left, they grabbed their guns, ... This time its Constitutional!"

NDP = Tory?

in two steps, Nova Scotia is raising minimum wage by 1.2%. Also in one step and sooner, they are raising the HST by 2%. This means that the NDP have decided that before any inflation is counted in, the poorest people in the province will have there standard of life reduced by .8%. This was decided because it was thought that changing income tax (which the poor are reimbursed for), would put too much of a burden on management and the business class. since when did NDP mean Tory?

Obviously as businesses are going to have to raise prices to help cover the HST increase they pay, So i know Inflation is going to happen from this as well. I'm Fucking glad that as a student I can be the one to take the brunt of the rising infrastructure costs.

flow chart

when faced with serious decisions, i follow this pattern. If I can poop on it, I poop on it. If i can't poop on it because its not close enough to poop on it, then i poop on something like it. if I can't poop on it cause its not something you can poop on then it doesn't exist and therefore not a problem. -lessons learned from a puppy.

i may be evil and an ass and all the things you hate... but sometimes i realize we will win and mostly this is hella alot of fun.......

A quote from the Dalai Lama in 1996:

"Of all the modern economic theories, the economic system of Marxism is founded on moral principles, while capitalism is concerned only with gain and profitability. Marxism is concerned with the distribution of wealth on an equal basis and the equitable utilization of the means of production. It is also concerned with the fate of the working classes-that is the majority---as well as with the fate of those who are underprivileged and in need, and Marxism cares about the victims of minority-imposed exploitation. For those reasons the system appeals to me, and it seems fair. . . I think of myself as half-Marxist, half-Buddhist".

Why everything (culture, music, fashion, people) sucks.

Anything that appeals to you on a unique and individual way, won’t appeal to others in that same special way.in fact because people vary, someone will hate it. And those like you who do like it will feel slightly different to it. If X is truly a special just for you thing, fits your tastes perfectly. It is unlikely to be mass produced. And because the world is large and full of people, and you don’t see or talk to most people in it, you are likely to never find it.

It is unlikely to be mass produced because companies take any idea, with all its uniqueness and individuality, and round off the sharp edges that some will find annoying in an attempt to make it more marketable to more people. Because companies have the size and resources to mass market, what you are likely to come in to contact with are these safer more homogenised items.

At the risk of offending and therefore turning an ambivalent but potential, Y (consumer, customer, fan, friend), in to an avid and potentially dangerous obstacle to our success, we all try to “soften” our presentations. University has taught me more about being less inflammatory than any concrete knowledge I ever had before I arrived here.

So I say if it’s all safe, and ok, but nothing is perfect and just for me, then fuck it all. I shit on your world, plant bombs in your malls, and most of all delete your shitty MP3’s.

Thank-you, come-again!

more Brillo moments

a friend of mine has listed "making the world a better place" as an interest on Facebook. this causes me to have questions.

how do we measure whether we are making the world a better place? are we to gauge it by over all happiness? for instance if we add one more laugh have we succeeded? what if we have to add a hundred cries to get the one more laugh? it hardly sounds like progress to have 20 born to poverty to get one born to luxury and count that as progress.

what if we count happiness divided by people?

forget the obvious torturing Paris Hilton, makes many happy. 1persons increase of pain disappears in the math when its counted in to the millions who would would be more happy. But the real implications of this is simply killing unhappy people also makes the ratio better. we cant count just raising the living standard of someone. because for every person who lives a "standard" north amarican lifestyle we need several in poverty and sweatshops. if we get rid of the sweatshops then we reduce the living standard of us all. i'm being poor to make the world a better place? this sounds wrong as well.

also do we have to adjust this math over time? what if we all have a kick-ass world party tonight. every one has a good time. but tomorrow we are all hung over and in debt and cant afford shoes or medications. (shoes may not sound like such a big deal to you, but its january in canada as i write this, and i aint walking to school barefoot, i just aint!).

what i'm saying is i have questions. will some one please give me the actual data set of what i am to count to make the world a better place? ( and then get the hell out of my way while i commit the atrocious acts required to do that). or will every one just admit that "making the world a better place" is entirely subjective. and if it is just subjective,please tell me how come me making myself happy doesn't count?

Brillo Bombs

a little self loathing in my self love. think of it as masturbating with Brillo. this trying to be like others bull shit is wearing me down. it takes a lot of energy to try and second guess myself, try to give a shit what others are thinking or feeling at all moments. after all how am i supposed to reconcile the notion of "be yourself and dont care if others judge you" with the notion that i have to "think first about how others will feel"? feelings and thoughts are part and parcel of the same thing.

And you cant control others, not really anyway.

what i'm saying is i may be alone with my mind. (aren't we all?) But i feel that its not worth being like you to be with you. any of you, all of you.

You wont be like me, i understand. just understand the feelings mutual. and accepting that fact, i refuse to continue to pretend that we are the same, or want to be.

i'll entertain my self thanx.

blowing shit up makes me happy, if shrapnel doesn't please you, might i suggest you GET THE HELL AWAY FROM THE BLASTING CAPS!

a pulse drumming in my ears

this one time at band camp,...

i sacrificed a stray to the rock gods,

when the camp counsolers came in to my bloud staind cabin, one asked me what i was doing... so i tossed him the skull from inside the pentagram, he said i was sick, i asked why he was the one pukeing... it took years to convince the doctors that i didn't need need them to have a sound mind... My mind Is filled with sound!

they put Sasha to sleep today. i have to put off even thinking about how i feel until i have the 3 papers due on Thursday done.... this society sux ass!

exactly the same

Look I don't get it either. I'm just trying desperately to fit in and do what every one else is. It hurts to be singled out and put on the spot, and I'm just trying to not have that happen to me again! I honestly feel no animosity toward the homeless. Actually, i just want to get them to wash that slept in piss smell off. I'd let them use my shower, too. If it wasn't for the fact that acting different from every one else would draw ridicule.
I don't want to buy plastic crap either... I actually hate shopping, but consumerism is how i hide that I'm different from you. I can see that these actions are unfulfilling and going to cause trouble. And i do wish to avoid the pain.
You see its just that its different for me. I say i want to avoid the pain, just like you say it. But I really do! In fact when no one is looking i do things to make sure that I'll feel less pain in the future. I know you really like the pain, cause you love to talk about how hard your life is. To affirm your self by what you think you have over come. And I can respect that: in a way. I realise that's what people do.
So am i not a people then? I realised right off the bat that it was pointless to ask why I'm different. But go a head and ask me any way. Maybe you think that asking me will make me feel good because talking about you makes you feel good? It doesn't though. Like i said I'm different than you.
I don't want to lie, prove any thing to anyone, or hurt others. I just don't want to be ostracised for being different any more. So I'll do it. I'll spit on the homeless, encourage inequality, buy shit and pollute and kill the planet. I'll say your special for the mass produced crap you buy. I'll date the wrong people for me, and encourage you to do the same. I'll pretend that i don't see how corporatism is robbing our lives of meaning. Just please don't shun me for my differences. And i mean that in my way, the honest way, not in your please do the opposite of what i say way. Deal?

melting pot vs multicultural

i realize this uses softer language than I normally use. This is because i had to post this for one of my proffs. Don't worry, I haven't lost my rage filled tone. it will return

In "The Melting Pot" of the usa, affirmative action is required to attempt to ensure a greater blending of minorities in to the culture. In the Canadian multicultural system we need more than to only ensure equal opportunity. As Canada was/is a country built by minority groups from the hundreds of first nation's to the French and English settlers, and the Loyalists fleeing the usa, we have no one majority culture. We some times think of the Christian Anglo-Saxon as the majority in Canada, but this view (borrowed heavily from American media) ignores the reality of a nation that's so deeply fragmented that our house of commons is dominated by The Bloc.
Our constitutions show this fundamental difference. In the USA, they use strong words declaring "we hold these truths to be self evident". While our constitution has much more lenient phrases, "as can be demonstrably justified in a free and democratic...". Even the BNA act has a form of affirmative action built in to it creating two official languages so that a minority could still have law and government in their own language.
Canadians ought to be proud of our policies of inclusion. We have many nations living peacefully under one flag. We may have regional disagreements, but we have developed a system to work with the perpetual tension.
Those who argue against inclusionary or corrective policies tend to focus on what they think they are loosing. They believe that by promoting one minority we must be demoting the minority they belong to. I don't feel this is true. It is the same people who feel the the inclusive "happy holidays" greeting must be diminishing Christmas because it doesn't expressly say Christmas in it. This is like saying that by using gender neutral language in our papers is some how diminishing men.
From the very basis of Canada as a political entity, it was founded on inclusion. This means at times we may have to develop policies to maintain the idea of inclusion against exclusionary trends. Inclusion, by its nature, makes the groups being included stronger. Exclusion does the opposite.

declaration of divine independence

from your lips i heard the serpents words

"You only have to worry about your self and your family, any thing else is beyond you. It's not reasonable for you to take justice as your cause. just ensure those you care about are safe.
it is not your place to try to cure the worlds wrongs, enjoy your blessings and leave those that suffer to god... if god wanted them to not suffer he would have blessed them as you have been blessed."

YOur words when i asked about some trifle of world dissent.
I decided then i'd take this fight to hell.
Let me burn for an enterinty rather than accept the lies you feel you need.. let god bless you and the fires of hell baptize me.
maybe if i allow your naivety drive me, then your sin could later be deemed necessity , later still...as grace.
"For I have no child of my own all children are mine." and the evil that i can see ill fight. every sliver, every shade no matter how distant, i refuse to accept that this is a world of necessary sin. necessary pain necessary hate. This is the only life i know i have control over and as such the only life i can use to fight what is wrong. God may have the luxury to forget or neglect or leave sections or all of this earth... I have not the choice. It is my only home , my only life, my only people , my only existence.
you may think that we could let this burn for when god returns he'll take you away.
I say this is my world, lets make it so if god passes by he'll want to stay.
we as people have proven that we are in control of this life. WE cause all the pain We cause all the suffering, as well as the joy and peace. US. PEOPLE.
let me die, one- screaming to the masses, a few- calling to the crowds or all- the victim's of a tyrant; we will LIVE FOR A FUTURE. we will burn out time for a better time. I (WE) will not live this life in hope of the next. but to live this life to ensure a better future for this existence, and should we pass into another life after this, be sure we have trained to make that place better as well.

an answer to Cheryl

i dont know how my ideas can help, I've been told my ideas are a bit twisted.

I hear of eternal life in a peace-filled city full of subservient people and i think hell! seriously nothing to complain about, no problems to solve, no cause to flair the emotions...FOREVER, think about one week of doing nothing you'd have nothing to talk about , and no philosophy, cause the answers are right there. I feel alive when creating or destroying, when solving a problem reaching for a goal, having a righteous cause. and I'm supposed to live without that FOREVER!
No give me this world with meaningful problems to solve, meaning full victories and defeats.
do you think Einstein would be happy if the answers just appeared before him? or do you think the "high" of discovering new ideas was what drove him?
would even cliff jumping be any fun if there wasn't the fear that you could hurt yourself... think about it, how fun is walking?
Heaven and hell were concepts fed to the populous from those controlling them. Look at the stories and you can see the simple message, Obey and things can be easy ie. heaven, disobey and you're going to be hurt (hell). the obedient are promised days of picnics at the feet of the boss, well bad boys and girls will be whipped and burned. notice in both scenarios that you are not in a position of control over your life.. er afterlife.
framing the argument is a common tool used for manipulation, from parents asking if a child would like to do their home work before or after supper, (neither thanks i want to jump on my bed, skip supper and just have desert) or political parties asking if you prefer higher taxes or lower services.
the heaven/hell stories have been told for so long, that people don't question the intent any more. (and as i don't want to give my self a hand cramp, I'll leave my diatribe about the pope having the most powerful army and dictating the rights of kings, out. unless asked)