meaning?

when life gets the better of us, and bad things happen it is normal for people to question the meaning of life.
the idiots response
i cant figure it out therefor it makes no sense therefor there is no god
the the simpletons response
i cant figure it out , but id like it to make sense, therefor there must be a god
the enlightened response
i cant figure it out therefor it needs more consideration, therefor there may be a god
My response
i figured it out therefor...

my email to mandel

My mother is nearing 60. As a professional single mom , she had her hard ships. Now she is being forced to move in with her mother (nearing 80) so they both can afford to live. But this letter isn't about anything so trivial as the loss of dignity for a couple of loving soles. Its about the fact that now i am also considering moving in with them. Not to relieve the pressures of living in a economic boom ,but to protect them from the unprecedented violence this city is experiencing.
“The art mayor” the one who will go down in history as the proof that even during economic access “the left” can't run a city.
While focusing on necessity such as road sign triangles, and a new stadium, (that we all believe wont cost tax payers any thing), the superfluous things have gone unattended. Things like police. We have had the Guardian Angels come in to attempt to pick up the slack left by an under funded mismanaged police force. Because thats what a city needs; a charity group police. If we cant assure the safety of the people, why do they pay taxes? Why not pay it to the growing number of gangs. and see if maybe they would be willing to defend their income base. My mother walks her dog less than a block from the latest shooting. How am i to rest thinking that a midnight piddle run could put her in the line of fire?
I'm sure as mayor you have more important things to worry about. But we know once Albertans choose a political mistake we stick with it. So you have many terms to immortalize your self. and in the not too distant future, you can have a plaque on the new hockey house. A plaque i can run my nieces and nephews past sheltering them from the LA style gang wars.
sincerely hating my city
Scott Sinclair

pay for it?

it may be part of some lie , or a broad stroke of corporate brain washing. but we in the west like to shop. and well, it may be true that we need to fix our selfs of this compulsion to hide our inner needs in shopping... we don't have time.
the planet is entering an ecological tail spin. if we don't fix it first we all die. causing no more compulsion to shop. problem solved.
most of us are hoping for a bit more animated solution. so lets stop fighting up hill battles. will someone PLEASE work out the dollars and cents of what it would cost to fix our ill planet. if we had a number no matter how absurdly large, we could get people motivated. hell celebrities could auction off the dresses they were photographed puking out the sides of cabs in. some thing the un-caring masses can but and show their equally self absorbed friends that they are indeed purchasing the cure.
i mean there has to be something else i can buy other than adbusters to display that i am the cure. like trading cards for the earth.

52% dident vote and a maybe dead cat

a long time ago people got mad at being controlled by kings who had no right other than birth to rule. what passed for left wing politics at the time, returned with the idea of us doing it our selves. so as a group we decided to govern our selves. but some how this ratfuck town has for gotten all of that. we can pay 1.2 million dollars for big signs on the road, but cant afford a police department to keep us safe. so much now that the government is relying on the guardian angels to come in and pick up the slack. we can put up a new stadium for a privately owned hockey club. but cant extend the buses so the populous can get around. the government has ceased to be a voice for the people and has become a funding arm for large corporations. you get to the provincial level and we have health care always under the gun as not being affordable, we have had our roads go to hell, and we subsidize the oil company's to take our oil and sell it back to us. you know why people don't vote? its because we can see the government isn't our voice, no party is. and its not about us, its about business. if some one < ANY ONE gave us something to vote for, then you may get over half the people to actually vote. but when all party's are on a slide rule of how much $ to offer or limit to various company's... well we don't give a shit. tell me how your going to put things in place for the PEOPLE. id say we have only a coupla years before the people get tired of being marginalized, and grab guns. and it would be the end of a good idea of a country. but its becoming a worse and worse country so maybe thats why they are letting it die.
i cant understand it. thinking out side the box is easy; but like Schrödinger's cat; its trying to figure out what the fuck is going on in the inside thats the challenge.

think about it first

USE your mind.
no seriously, take time to think about stuff that doesn't easily flow through your predigest, things that take energy to wrap your mind around. not like math problems, although they can be used but to really understand things like the sun never sets and Australasians don't fall off the world , how do they view the globe. what was my grandfathers childhood really like and how did he think of the future. accept that your view of the world is probably wrong and construed through the layered beliefs placed on you by fear laden hearts. people who didn't mean bad, but were trying to protect you from a world that had hurt them or worse scared them. challenge all of your beliefs. the more commonly held an opinion the more you need to search for a reason to maintain it. your life is just a short rhythm on your sole and you really don't have time to to be lost in others fears. when you can clear your mind and use it to do your bidding other than just cycle through fear based emotional spasms. then, Then you can ask me your questions.
strip your self of fear so when you stand in gods presence you can stand.
god will not have fear and to rejoin him you may not either
your fears are now yours, and are now your fault. you must cure yourself.
the good news is its easy. just challenge every thing that you think. tear at your thoughts as a starving dog goes at the marrow of a bone.
don't look to others for approval. you must find approval within your self. only do what you approve of you doing. never regret. NEVER. for your past has lead you here. and from the here and now you are going forward. relentlessly pursue your self your own mind your own moment. the place ware all eternity cant be with out. it is that place in your mind you cultivate.nothing is too big or small to be questioned. there is no blasphemy in thought. the only true blasphemy, comes from not thinking. from being to lazy to use your mind thus accepting anothers ideas as truth. use YOUR mind.

i think i figured it out. i have always just done as i felt was right. but through some mind fuck twist i have started worrying about how i am perceived to others.i haven't even been blogging because i now feel the need to answer to people about what i was thinking... it says up there ^ that its a spot to post my thoughts. not fodder for your conversation. just if you want to know what im thinking, then its hear. if you want to question my thoughts? don't expect me to wast my time

i dont know what im doing right now.
ive spent my life just following a path that was laid out for me. i never had to worrie too much b/c i had seen the end and was alright with it.
until recently.
in the last year the sense that im doing nothing has grown up around me. more terrifying still, is that doing nothing is the wrong thing.
a latent stress is piling on as if to warn me that i need to do something... any thing and that the longer i wait the more work its going to be.
this could be a caffeine thing though so ill get back to ya

an open responce to a privet quarry(sp?)

I can only think of 2 things to write right now

1) w bush is proof we have lost democracy to the bureaucrats.





2) i was told that god is infinite love. the world has pain and sorrow in it, therefor maybe the world is shielded from god in some way. makes some sort of twisted sense.
***Blasphemy alert****
if you think about it the Catholic god wants you to be obedient and subservient. and to spend your eternity in the praise of him. But supposedly we are his creations and he has given us the amazing ability to question, as well as the need we all feel to create (and destroy).
Our creative drives; and our destructive drives; have the ability to fill and charge us. To make your life seem to make sense while caught up in the midst of it. And these are the very drives that are to be sublimated and repressed in order to gain some treat from our maker?
well maybe if god is stupid. but it sounds like Frigidaire saying it holds a special “prize” for all the fridges it built that can stay room temperature regardless of voltage and freon levels.
I create and I destroy. And those are the only 2 times when i feel truly ok with myself. the only times i feel “alive”. the only times i don't feel awkward and out of place.
IF i was created by some thing with reason and logic, then it would make sense that the traits i was designed for are the ones i naturally display. this be good and obedient crap is absolutely against my hard wired functions. so if god were blocked from seeing me, and thus this world is ruled by a devil, then i could kinda understand the promise of eternal life given to the simple obedient ones, because the promise is a lie.


or maybe not, but i am sure about the first thing.

truth?

question: define truth
Is it not the antonym of lies
if when confronted a person considers speaking a falsehood and the reconsiders and does not; we could not fault him for lying. thus a lie must be spoken to be.
if truth is the antonym of lies, and a lie must be spoken to be; then truth must remain silent to be.
question: define truth.
answer: impossible.

sadistic??

Opinion Polls & Market Research

social transaction?

This unfortunate 40’something man wades in to the store with a small radio playing scratchily from his frumpy coat. The radio is a new touch but this guy wanders through the store almost every day. I turn to a co-worker and whisper how this guy gives me the creeps. I don’t intend to be rude but I seriously fell my fight or flight reflexes kicking in when I see people like this. He has meandered past my till with his face half stained the unmistakable colour of vegetable soup. His hair is always a messy mop awkwardly piled in various clumps. I don’t recall having ever actually seen sticks in it, but it wouldn’t surprise. He’s not actually dirty though, just un-kept. He has those blank eyes of one who instead of really thinking is drawn from place to place by emotional spasms. Today thankfully there was no soup stain on his face; but he had stuff stuck in his crooked teeth, that added a terrifying effect to his big dumb grin.

As if to punish me for my honesty, the co-worker replies that this fully horrifying life lives in a government home near by.

My mind is flooded with images. They are unemployable, hence they spend much of there days alone rejected from society. Staying in the ‘home’ day after day week after week, Year after YEAR; they need some outside stimulation. They wander through shopping centers. Gaining the so much needed human interaction in the short time it takes to complete there meaningless transactions.

“Hello how are you today?-is this every thing?” I have Miranda syndrome. I’ve said these words so many times today they have no meaning.

He’s buying a piece of crap plastic coffee mug that’s even overpriced at our store. He can’t pick up on the subtle clues I sometimes give to the old ladies who are about to make bad shopping choices.

He’s saying something similar to having a good day or something. I avoid looking at him in any way. I know the revulsion is to help me from feeling the helpless sorrow. I don’t have the time or mental fortitude to befriend him and alleviate some of his loneliness. I doubt I would if I did. Am I a horrible person?

“Well thank you and have a pleasant evening”

The static-y little radio accompanies him out side.

The fight or flight feeling and revulsion subside, leaving me with the dull anger that this is the world. And the type of moot sorrow we feel after seeing starving children and abused animals on television commercials.

“Hello, how are you today?-is this every thing?” ….

daily quotes

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.

This is a quote from non other than Albert Einstein. It’s a well known quote, and often heard.

On my homepage I have Einstein quotes of the day. It’s a cute little app. and I like to think it keeps me thinking. I’d like to add a Steven Hawking one but I haven’t found one yet. Today when I opened my browser and saw this little axiom I thought nothing of it. Then I read it again. And again. Some thing was wrong. I just couldn’t put my finger on what it was.

Then I realised it was the “WW IV” thing. Einstein knows better than to portray conjecture as fact. I mean he was one of the smartest people we as a species have had the pleasure of learning from.

But that wasn’t it either, something else was bothering me about this so common quip. How could he possibly believe that WW4 would be fought with stones? Its understandable that he was trying to hammer home the power of nuclear weapons… wait that was it.

He was certain that we as a people would have another world war. That nukes would be used, and we still wouldn’t learn. He was certain that we would not be able to maintain our collective saintly and refrain from destroying ourselves, and worse yet, that before we were able to even rebuild we would have yet a 4^th. It was the way he was stating the nature of man, not the nature of war.

Creepy

I also have “Bush-isims” on my homepage, it was some thing about evildoers wageing war at the whim of a hat.

Very Creepy

Sweet dreams yall

the beginings of an idea, this will definatly be a later rant.

In the 70’s and 80’s the fashion industry was targeted by women’s liberation groups for being controlling, oppressive, and sexist. The fashion industry responded to the charges, with maxim magazine. Every year now fashion is more and more invasive in “male culture”.

This is called progress.

The blacks of the United States were denied votes, Admissions to “good” schools and healthcare institutions. The american Indian are segregated. Many reserves still have inadequate sanitary systems. In fact it would be hard to distinguish between a modern reserve and a third world refugee camp.

The inner cities are receiving less and less help; are becoming economically dissolute.

“Jobs” are the call of the masses as the divide between needs and means increases.

It is important to remember that the racist oppressions served governments far less than they served large manufacturers. The plantation owners lost much more by freeing the slaves than the politicians did.

The current trends are moving more and more towards “indiscriminate oppression”. This makes sense. It is defiantly easer to maintain control of a group if the group is hard to define. The 1970’s, “gives women a poor body image”, claims from the woman’s lib. movement sound oddly quaint after viewing a CK underwear add. Now the attempts to solve the body image problems are worsened. Instead of doubling their opposition, the fashion industry divided it. Both men and woman may now develop a negative body image now, but it leads to decidedly different outcomes. Males are more likely to use steroids than become anorexic. As well as the line of who is an oppressor and who is oppressed has blurred beyond simple definitions. No longer is the fashion industry predominantly male and the customer predominantly female. Now males and females are dispersed across both lines.

This is called equality, and it too is known as progress.

How does the fashion industry continue to force its notions on the public? I mean aren’t we free to chose to ware what ever we want? If its making us feel bad about ourselves are we not free to just stop buying and force their bankruptcies?

In the most basic answer is of course. Unfortunately basic thinking is wrong. As long as we as a people judge one another on appearance; (and it seems as long as sex is a primal urge we will) then one who buys in to the industry will elevate them selves. It would take all of us, enemas to turn away and as a whole refuse to be a part of it. I don’t see it happening any time soon.

It is important to also note that by socialism, I do not mean Marxism or Stalinism or Leninism or Maoism or even communism. I do mean a social collective of the populous. Democracy was/ is a socialist ideal.

Is it sexist, if I really appreciate when she makes the side dishes?

I think the reason I will never be married, is if I spend a large amount of time with one person, I find other sides of my personality moaning of starvation. I’m sure that if I was a truly well rounded person, I wouldn’t find this kind of nagging emptiness.
I hate Edmonton! Before I moved here I had a circle of friends that allowed me to exercise many parts of my personality, I had a girlfriend who if not ecstatic, was resigned to a partitioned time segment. I did miss my family. But I had resolved to never move back to Lethbridge, so the longing I felt for my family I was able to chalk up to the bitter sweet, pain of being my own man. As if I had won and earned the feeling and it ought to be worn proudly as a battle scar.
But now my family has moved to Edmonton, so I get to see them more often. This however is tampered with the more severe (because it has to be kept secret) pain of not having much of a life to share with them. When we are together, I feel I have nothing to contribute, and fall in to the role of late night talk show host. I come in tell a few jokes, and then interview others to feel as though we were having a conversation. Thank god for my brother whose unabashed desire to be the center of attention, draws all the focus. So we as a family can all feel we have done something together, by laughing at /with Sonny.
If I ever do marry, it will surly be so that I’m not saddled with the chore of trying to feed myself each and every evening. Seriously, it might be worth it to not have to decide on something tasty, affordable, easy to make, And Different! Each and every day. I have that pesky belief in equality, that would make it so I’d have to go through this “devils triangle” every other night. But still 50% freedom from this chore is worth the cost of a ring.
Every one goes through this eventually; hence Moorse makes money renting tuxes.
What ever his reasons were, my best friend was starting to make this decision. And his cute unassuming nefarious tart, was having a real problem with his own exercising of other areas of his personality. Hilarity ensued. No seriously, if loosing my best friend to her manipulation and out and out attacks didn’t hurt so much, the battles would have been comical.
Being as how I’m slow to warm to new people, (or it takes them a while to figure out it’s just a joke), I have found myself spending most of my time with one person. Exclusively. I am a little short on people to “round my self out” with so instead of actively pursuing other interests and fields; I retreat back to this one person. And she great, I’m not complaining about that. I’m just stating that the other sides of me are screaming for food.
I refuse to believe that returning to school was a mistake, therefore it must be moving to Edmonton. Or; I just had this thought; it could be that I’ve just stayed too long. I haven’t stayed in the same place for longer than 2 years since I moved out from my moms. And I’ve been in Ed for 3 and a half. Well there’s a new superstition for me to test.
So now I’m deciding on returning to Saskatoon to continue my schooling, or to try some ware new.
If I go some ware new, I may develop problems at the 2 year mark, which isn’t good, considering I’m taking a 7 year degree. If I return to Saskatoon, I know things wont be quite the same, as well as I may have worn out my 2 years there, And it has the whole going backwards thing, unless going here was the mistake then its not going backward its correcting (like someone ought to do to this run-on sentence).
I have other reasons for leaving Edmonton. Pragmatic ones like the cost of living and such. So what do you think I should do?

a reveiw, sorta

It’s so much easier to believe that its just me, when its inside my own head.
Now it may just be that im reading the sane society right now. But its getting to the point that every ware I look people are saying there’s something wrong with our world.
Blue man groups megastar 2.0 that I saw last night didn’t even try to mask the message that modern life is sick, from the “I saw my self on a bathroom door today” to the standardisation of audience participation in our entertainment venues, The show was an entertaining barrage of contemporary life is not life.
The opening act, mike relm, seemed to be the only part of the show that was Ok with life. I’m not disappointed, only concerned that the celebration of life that art was trying to use as a counter attack to the machine lifestyle, is gone. We are left with the message being stated as clear as possible that things are broken. But it seems the artists are no longer wanting to guide others, they are more concerned with prodding the unmoving. That’s not how we were going to fix this thing. The plan WAS, we are going to have a good time, and that will entice others to come and see what a joy the world could be. It seems now we are trying to begin a motion from the inert. I’ve seen this happen to many of the “road signs”. From adbusters complete withdrawal of all peaceful prototypes of the future, to all the rock bands doing overtly political songs. We can not lead the world to a saner, happier place using fear. Fear is the enemies tool. The adage is you can lead a horse to water but you cant make him drink, while you cant get the horse to go any ware if you just yell the waters dirty in your pen. Horses can’t understand much English as well as they are unable to open the gate them selves. We need only to open the gate and enjoy the field ourselves. That will be enough to bring the horses out.

If your life is not a joy, why would any want to be like you?
1 decide you will not obey needlessly
2 enjoy your life
3 repeat as conspicuously as necessary.

It was stll an entertaining show and I do recommend going to see blue man group if you have the opportunity. And especially go see mike relm!

the chicken and the egg

Ok the concept of which came first, of 2 things is not original. We more and more often these days, find our selves trying to decide between cause and effect. Now this probably speaks to the fact that we have lost control over our own creations, and thus our world. People who notice these things tend to think of them selves as "thinkers". So they go off on there diatribes, believing blindly that they have increased the intellectual pool of information on -whatever. But these morons keep using the phrase "what came first, the chicken or the egg". As if there is no other way to describe the very common occurrence of any cyclic phenomenon. Even the slightest change to the “lizard or the egg” would show that at least they have vested some thought in there work. So in my attempt to have a different cliché used and thus ever so slightly increase the variety and readability of the blogs and reports I read; the answer is obviously the chicken.
Chicken eggs need to be incubated. If you believe in creation then, god must of made the chicken and the cock first otherwise the egg would of not been incubated. Ending this stupid saying right there in the Garden of Eden. If you believe in evolution, then you know that from a primordial ooze life sprang forth and slowly altered its self in to various species, thus several creatures came before the chicken. And what ever creature laid the egg that the first creature we officially call a chicken came from was not a chicken ant there for the egg it laid was a mutated chAcken egg. Or what ever.
If the saying was lizard or the egg, we would have a bit more of a conundrum. Because, not all lizards require active incubating on behalf of the mother, there are other options. But ill leave you to use your deductive reasoning on which was obviously first in that case.

the former, but stil vacant Hall

I occasion to wit when I find my self bordering the uncouth, so that humour may mask my foible.
I hold you in esteem for possessing a whit of wits. And as such it ought to be tacit that maintaining tact be paramount.


I should never endeavour to name someone of your intellectual economy any thing so pedestrian as simple, for that is much too obtuse to be adequate descriptions of your so very precise faculties.

However verbosely effusive this may be, I find it tantamount to berating a shrubbery. I reserve the luxury of chronological homicide to be expelled at my fetish. And in such require your absence.

A moment of humility

There was a time when I thought life had meaning... How could I have been so naive?Its ok to laugh at me. I guess. It is kind of funny; like believing in the Easter bunny or the tooth fairy, or that you can make a difference in the world, or that your vote counts...I guess this too must now live in my past.
it is kind of sad to think
that all that was magical must live in the past, unretrievable.
if the current trend continues, it seems that all that gave me comfort and happiness will eventually slip in to that most permanent prison. I almost believe it will, but then again...
there was this time I thought life had meaning, so I can obviously be very naive-

is that a fact? a brife mention of the state of reality

Life is expression, fact is merely a recording.
Thus facts are as relevant as a photograph of a tree while making supper.

To clarify these statements I’d have to subject my self to a degree of boredom that could only find its equivalent in trying to teach a stone elementary math. I wish not to undertake such an emotionally painful task.
And because these things are fact, they are irrelevant. Thus my understanding of them is only as worth while as the pleasure that they can enlighten on my face.

The relevance of fact is the central lie in the oppression of the self.

I believe that oppression is painful, and an unwelcome expression. Thus I reject the lie of your truths in favour of my enjoyment.
Fact; facts are false.
Proven

Facts are derived buy scientific method. That is to say, facts are the observed results of experimentation. Observations are made from phenomena and then recorded, (written down ect.). From my own experience of being me, I can not actually prove the existence of another. I have proven that my eyes, my ears, my smell, my touch, and my taste can all be tricked, and so are unreliable as to a definitive proof. My emotions however, have never proven to be untrue. At the most they have proven to be impermanent. Thus I must conclude logically, that my emotions are of more reliability than that of any other stimuli. Or at least are more difficult to be detected as false. With no other information to base my decisions on I must deduce that my emotions are more factual than more conventionally defined facts.

Science now must face the same type of criticisms that religion faces in the face of theories of equal debatable arguments. for science and religion both use un-provable and un-testable theory’s to attempt to explain the world in which we appear to be living. Using science to disprove fact creates the above rant as a viable scientific theory; I don’t expect the institutions of science to accept defeat any more than the Catholic Church accepted defeat in the face of Darwin. So I issue this challenge: using any logical means disprove the Sincontroll first theory that fact is false. Using a previous definition such as a dictionary is unacceptable because repeating false information in no way alters the fact of it being false information.

lemme alone on the buss

This disassociation of a social inept mind from a morally inept society leading to an aggravated situation predisposed to violence.
Or, What I meant by “Fuck Off Ass-hole”.

Although you feel me rude for ignoring you, I feel that your interruption is of the grater harm. I am confined to live only my life and thus so, my feelings will always trump yours in all maters where the two don’t coincide.
I feel it important to remind you that you, yourself, instigated this interaction.
It was your choices and actions that led to this preface to an altercation.
So the onus is also yours as to weather you shall console your wounded pride with self deception with out my company or rather to consume more of my limited time with your invasion of my space.
But be not deceived, I consider all invasions violent acts.
As violence and war very only in scope and the surest way to maintain a victory in war is the complete annihilation of your opponent, and as I have previously stated, my feelings will always trump yours, I will act in a way that is in my best interest for self survival.
I am sure if properly motivated you could have formulated the before mentioned thoughts for your self.
I, as man, can not be indited for neither the acts of God (nature) nor his (its) omissions.
It seems some how, weather by evolution or design you have failed at this arrangement.
Your inability to ascertain your situation of danger and to in the best interest of survival govern your self, leaves your death as either ordained by God or a simple matter of the species as a whole needing to rid its self of your impertinence and stupidity.

(Must I have other reasons not to be interrupted while I'm fucking reading?)