This unfortunate 40’something man wades in to the store with a small radio playing scratchily from his frumpy coat. The radio is a new touch but this guy wanders through the store almost every day. I turn to a co-worker and whisper how this guy gives me the creeps. I don’t intend to be rude but I seriously fell my fight or flight reflexes kicking in when I see people like this. He has meandered past my till with his face half stained the unmistakable colour of vegetable soup. His hair is always a messy mop awkwardly piled in various clumps. I don’t recall having ever actually seen sticks in it, but it wouldn’t surprise. He’s not actually dirty though, just un-kept. He has those blank eyes of one who instead of really thinking is drawn from place to place by emotional spasms. Today thankfully there was no soup stain on his face; but he had stuff stuck in his crooked teeth, that added a terrifying effect to his big dumb grin.
As if to punish me for my honesty, the co-worker replies that this fully horrifying life lives in a government home near by.
My mind is flooded with images. They are unemployable, hence they spend much of there days alone rejected from society. Staying in the ‘home’ day after day week after week, Year after YEAR; they need some outside stimulation. They wander through shopping centers. Gaining the so much needed human interaction in the short time it takes to complete there meaningless transactions.
“Hello how are you today?-is this every thing?” I have Miranda syndrome. I’ve said these words so many times today they have no meaning.
He’s buying a piece of crap plastic coffee mug that’s even overpriced at our store. He can’t pick up on the subtle clues I sometimes give to the old ladies who are about to make bad shopping choices.
He’s saying something similar to having a good day or something. I avoid looking at him in any way. I know the revulsion is to help me from feeling the helpless sorrow. I don’t have the time or mental fortitude to befriend him and alleviate some of his loneliness. I doubt I would if I did. Am I a horrible person?
“Well thank you and have a pleasant evening”
The static-y little radio accompanies him out side.
The fight or flight feeling and revulsion subside, leaving me with the dull anger that this is the world. And the type of moot sorrow we feel after seeing starving children and abused animals on television commercials.
“Hello, how are you today?-is this every thing?” ….
1 comment:
It's a pretty common feeling for me to know someone needs reaching out to but to let apathy win and then feel guilty about it later. We can't reach out to every starving child or abused animal, and that just makes it all so daunting and unfair.
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