cellar door

My status as an Aboriginal has always been for the purpose of exclusion. I have been considered white or Native depending entirely what would serve the other persons ends, never my own. Once in grade 9 on a late Friday night I was walking home from a friend’s house. A truck with the cab and box full of drunken high school “”jocks” roared past me. They yelled “Fu-ing Indian” as they slammed on their brakes, piled out of the truck, and chased me down. I took a few hits and kicks before I was able to escape and jumped over a few fences, running through people’s yards. I made my way home by going through fields and parks trying to avoid road ways. I emerged from the last field a block from my house. As I passed the ally, a Blackfoot man named Darcy came out. He called me a “fu-ing whitey” and punched me a few times. As I was already sore, I ran. This night is just the most extreme case of a pattern that has followed my entire life. I was excluded from Whites along with the other Indians; and excluded from the Indians for being white. My high school friend, (name removed), finally told me she couldn’t be seen with me anymore because her other friends were accusing her of becoming an apple like me. An apple was someone who was red on the outside but white on the inside. The connotation was someone who had turned their back on their culture. Even as I was saddened, it was the first time I had felt included. At least they were able to see I was red.

I don’t feel white on the inside. I was just raised outside my culture. The only story I have to connect me is one my grandmother tells. She was adopted by a white couple and raised on the prairies. 70 Years ago the Indians would still occasionally go past with their travois. She tells me of how her mother would hide her in the cellar or a closet for fear that they would try to steal her back. Afterwards her mother would tell her about how they were bad people. And point to the fact they never took care of their horses properly. When she grew up she started trying to discover who her birth parents were. After years of looking, she hasn’t been able to find the truth. She’s been told the microfilm that the adoption records were put on to in the 60’s or 70’s have a thumb print distorting the area containing her information. She’s scoured old newspapers, taking clippings and trying to compare information. There are theories and speculation, but she remains a woman with no history.

On school records and government forms, they ask if you want to be recognised as an aboriginal. The next box asks for a status number. If you leave it blank, either your application disappears or you receive a phone call asking you for proof. The nice lady eventually offers to just “whiteout your mistake” and check the other box. You say “thank you”. And spend the rest of the day avoiding road ways, looking apprehensively at alleys.

They can’t steal you back, But your still locked in the cellar.

veiled revolutionaries

The burka ban fails S.15 of the charter of rights and freedoms.(the one we pushed through without Quebec, which then spawned the Bloc).When the supreme court tells them they have to remove their law, the separatist are going to rile everyone up about "Anglo-phones pushing them around" (how dare we deny their right to be bigoted racists?). This will cause them to try to vote for separation. Which, the supreme court ("member them?) Have already ruled Quebec can't have.

Cue movie-commercial voice, " When they had no legal recourse left, they grabbed their guns, ... This time its Constitutional!"

NDP = Tory?

in two steps, Nova Scotia is raising minimum wage by 1.2%. Also in one step and sooner, they are raising the HST by 2%. This means that the NDP have decided that before any inflation is counted in, the poorest people in the province will have there standard of life reduced by .8%. This was decided because it was thought that changing income tax (which the poor are reimbursed for), would put too much of a burden on management and the business class. since when did NDP mean Tory?

Obviously as businesses are going to have to raise prices to help cover the HST increase they pay, So i know Inflation is going to happen from this as well. I'm Fucking glad that as a student I can be the one to take the brunt of the rising infrastructure costs.

flow chart

when faced with serious decisions, i follow this pattern. If I can poop on it, I poop on it. If i can't poop on it because its not close enough to poop on it, then i poop on something like it. if I can't poop on it cause its not something you can poop on then it doesn't exist and therefore not a problem. -lessons learned from a puppy.

i may be evil and an ass and all the things you hate... but sometimes i realize we will win and mostly this is hella alot of fun.......

A quote from the Dalai Lama in 1996:

"Of all the modern economic theories, the economic system of Marxism is founded on moral principles, while capitalism is concerned only with gain and profitability. Marxism is concerned with the distribution of wealth on an equal basis and the equitable utilization of the means of production. It is also concerned with the fate of the working classes-that is the majority---as well as with the fate of those who are underprivileged and in need, and Marxism cares about the victims of minority-imposed exploitation. For those reasons the system appeals to me, and it seems fair. . . I think of myself as half-Marxist, half-Buddhist".

Why everything (culture, music, fashion, people) sucks.

Anything that appeals to you on a unique and individual way, won’t appeal to others in that same special way.in fact because people vary, someone will hate it. And those like you who do like it will feel slightly different to it. If X is truly a special just for you thing, fits your tastes perfectly. It is unlikely to be mass produced. And because the world is large and full of people, and you don’t see or talk to most people in it, you are likely to never find it.

It is unlikely to be mass produced because companies take any idea, with all its uniqueness and individuality, and round off the sharp edges that some will find annoying in an attempt to make it more marketable to more people. Because companies have the size and resources to mass market, what you are likely to come in to contact with are these safer more homogenised items.

At the risk of offending and therefore turning an ambivalent but potential, Y (consumer, customer, fan, friend), in to an avid and potentially dangerous obstacle to our success, we all try to “soften” our presentations. University has taught me more about being less inflammatory than any concrete knowledge I ever had before I arrived here.

So I say if it’s all safe, and ok, but nothing is perfect and just for me, then fuck it all. I shit on your world, plant bombs in your malls, and most of all delete your shitty MP3’s.

Thank-you, come-again!

more Brillo moments

a friend of mine has listed "making the world a better place" as an interest on Facebook. this causes me to have questions.

how do we measure whether we are making the world a better place? are we to gauge it by over all happiness? for instance if we add one more laugh have we succeeded? what if we have to add a hundred cries to get the one more laugh? it hardly sounds like progress to have 20 born to poverty to get one born to luxury and count that as progress.

what if we count happiness divided by people?

forget the obvious torturing Paris Hilton, makes many happy. 1persons increase of pain disappears in the math when its counted in to the millions who would would be more happy. But the real implications of this is simply killing unhappy people also makes the ratio better. we cant count just raising the living standard of someone. because for every person who lives a "standard" north amarican lifestyle we need several in poverty and sweatshops. if we get rid of the sweatshops then we reduce the living standard of us all. i'm being poor to make the world a better place? this sounds wrong as well.

also do we have to adjust this math over time? what if we all have a kick-ass world party tonight. every one has a good time. but tomorrow we are all hung over and in debt and cant afford shoes or medications. (shoes may not sound like such a big deal to you, but its january in canada as i write this, and i aint walking to school barefoot, i just aint!).

what i'm saying is i have questions. will some one please give me the actual data set of what i am to count to make the world a better place? ( and then get the hell out of my way while i commit the atrocious acts required to do that). or will every one just admit that "making the world a better place" is entirely subjective. and if it is just subjective,please tell me how come me making myself happy doesn't count?

Brillo Bombs

a little self loathing in my self love. think of it as masturbating with Brillo. this trying to be like others bull shit is wearing me down. it takes a lot of energy to try and second guess myself, try to give a shit what others are thinking or feeling at all moments. after all how am i supposed to reconcile the notion of "be yourself and dont care if others judge you" with the notion that i have to "think first about how others will feel"? feelings and thoughts are part and parcel of the same thing.

And you cant control others, not really anyway.

what i'm saying is i may be alone with my mind. (aren't we all?) But i feel that its not worth being like you to be with you. any of you, all of you.

You wont be like me, i understand. just understand the feelings mutual. and accepting that fact, i refuse to continue to pretend that we are the same, or want to be.

i'll entertain my self thanx.

blowing shit up makes me happy, if shrapnel doesn't please you, might i suggest you GET THE HELL AWAY FROM THE BLASTING CAPS!

a pulse drumming in my ears

this one time at band camp,...

i sacrificed a stray to the rock gods,

when the camp counsolers came in to my bloud staind cabin, one asked me what i was doing... so i tossed him the skull from inside the pentagram, he said i was sick, i asked why he was the one pukeing... it took years to convince the doctors that i didn't need need them to have a sound mind... My mind Is filled with sound!

they put Sasha to sleep today. i have to put off even thinking about how i feel until i have the 3 papers due on Thursday done.... this society sux ass!

exactly the same

Look I don't get it either. I'm just trying desperately to fit in and do what every one else is. It hurts to be singled out and put on the spot, and I'm just trying to not have that happen to me again! I honestly feel no animosity toward the homeless. Actually, i just want to get them to wash that slept in piss smell off. I'd let them use my shower, too. If it wasn't for the fact that acting different from every one else would draw ridicule.
I don't want to buy plastic crap either... I actually hate shopping, but consumerism is how i hide that I'm different from you. I can see that these actions are unfulfilling and going to cause trouble. And i do wish to avoid the pain.
You see its just that its different for me. I say i want to avoid the pain, just like you say it. But I really do! In fact when no one is looking i do things to make sure that I'll feel less pain in the future. I know you really like the pain, cause you love to talk about how hard your life is. To affirm your self by what you think you have over come. And I can respect that: in a way. I realise that's what people do.
So am i not a people then? I realised right off the bat that it was pointless to ask why I'm different. But go a head and ask me any way. Maybe you think that asking me will make me feel good because talking about you makes you feel good? It doesn't though. Like i said I'm different than you.
I don't want to lie, prove any thing to anyone, or hurt others. I just don't want to be ostracised for being different any more. So I'll do it. I'll spit on the homeless, encourage inequality, buy shit and pollute and kill the planet. I'll say your special for the mass produced crap you buy. I'll date the wrong people for me, and encourage you to do the same. I'll pretend that i don't see how corporatism is robbing our lives of meaning. Just please don't shun me for my differences. And i mean that in my way, the honest way, not in your please do the opposite of what i say way. Deal?

melting pot vs multicultural

i realize this uses softer language than I normally use. This is because i had to post this for one of my proffs. Don't worry, I haven't lost my rage filled tone. it will return

In "The Melting Pot" of the usa, affirmative action is required to attempt to ensure a greater blending of minorities in to the culture. In the Canadian multicultural system we need more than to only ensure equal opportunity. As Canada was/is a country built by minority groups from the hundreds of first nation's to the French and English settlers, and the Loyalists fleeing the usa, we have no one majority culture. We some times think of the Christian Anglo-Saxon as the majority in Canada, but this view (borrowed heavily from American media) ignores the reality of a nation that's so deeply fragmented that our house of commons is dominated by The Bloc.
Our constitutions show this fundamental difference. In the USA, they use strong words declaring "we hold these truths to be self evident". While our constitution has much more lenient phrases, "as can be demonstrably justified in a free and democratic...". Even the BNA act has a form of affirmative action built in to it creating two official languages so that a minority could still have law and government in their own language.
Canadians ought to be proud of our policies of inclusion. We have many nations living peacefully under one flag. We may have regional disagreements, but we have developed a system to work with the perpetual tension.
Those who argue against inclusionary or corrective policies tend to focus on what they think they are loosing. They believe that by promoting one minority we must be demoting the minority they belong to. I don't feel this is true. It is the same people who feel the the inclusive "happy holidays" greeting must be diminishing Christmas because it doesn't expressly say Christmas in it. This is like saying that by using gender neutral language in our papers is some how diminishing men.
From the very basis of Canada as a political entity, it was founded on inclusion. This means at times we may have to develop policies to maintain the idea of inclusion against exclusionary trends. Inclusion, by its nature, makes the groups being included stronger. Exclusion does the opposite.

declaration of divine independence

from your lips i heard the serpents words

"You only have to worry about your self and your family, any thing else is beyond you. It's not reasonable for you to take justice as your cause. just ensure those you care about are safe.
it is not your place to try to cure the worlds wrongs, enjoy your blessings and leave those that suffer to god... if god wanted them to not suffer he would have blessed them as you have been blessed."

YOur words when i asked about some trifle of world dissent.
I decided then i'd take this fight to hell.
Let me burn for an enterinty rather than accept the lies you feel you need.. let god bless you and the fires of hell baptize me.
maybe if i allow your naivety drive me, then your sin could later be deemed necessity , later still...as grace.
"For I have no child of my own all children are mine." and the evil that i can see ill fight. every sliver, every shade no matter how distant, i refuse to accept that this is a world of necessary sin. necessary pain necessary hate. This is the only life i know i have control over and as such the only life i can use to fight what is wrong. God may have the luxury to forget or neglect or leave sections or all of this earth... I have not the choice. It is my only home , my only life, my only people , my only existence.
you may think that we could let this burn for when god returns he'll take you away.
I say this is my world, lets make it so if god passes by he'll want to stay.
we as people have proven that we are in control of this life. WE cause all the pain We cause all the suffering, as well as the joy and peace. US. PEOPLE.
let me die, one- screaming to the masses, a few- calling to the crowds or all- the victim's of a tyrant; we will LIVE FOR A FUTURE. we will burn out time for a better time. I (WE) will not live this life in hope of the next. but to live this life to ensure a better future for this existence, and should we pass into another life after this, be sure we have trained to make that place better as well.

an answer to Cheryl

i dont know how my ideas can help, I've been told my ideas are a bit twisted.

I hear of eternal life in a peace-filled city full of subservient people and i think hell! seriously nothing to complain about, no problems to solve, no cause to flair the emotions...FOREVER, think about one week of doing nothing you'd have nothing to talk about , and no philosophy, cause the answers are right there. I feel alive when creating or destroying, when solving a problem reaching for a goal, having a righteous cause. and I'm supposed to live without that FOREVER!
No give me this world with meaningful problems to solve, meaning full victories and defeats.
do you think Einstein would be happy if the answers just appeared before him? or do you think the "high" of discovering new ideas was what drove him?
would even cliff jumping be any fun if there wasn't the fear that you could hurt yourself... think about it, how fun is walking?
Heaven and hell were concepts fed to the populous from those controlling them. Look at the stories and you can see the simple message, Obey and things can be easy ie. heaven, disobey and you're going to be hurt (hell). the obedient are promised days of picnics at the feet of the boss, well bad boys and girls will be whipped and burned. notice in both scenarios that you are not in a position of control over your life.. er afterlife.
framing the argument is a common tool used for manipulation, from parents asking if a child would like to do their home work before or after supper, (neither thanks i want to jump on my bed, skip supper and just have desert) or political parties asking if you prefer higher taxes or lower services.
the heaven/hell stories have been told for so long, that people don't question the intent any more. (and as i don't want to give my self a hand cramp, I'll leave my diatribe about the pope having the most powerful army and dictating the rights of kings, out. unless asked)

Your Special,

the meaning of life is not a secret, its easer to find and understand than a high school physics course. the thing thats hard to understand is that no one wants to know. All people really want to know is how to be special, or failing that, how to be rich. Is it any wounder that in the age of information, all we devote our attention to is trading products to make us feel special for money to make us feel rich?
one would think that we could find one person to make us feel special and that would stop the cycle. but for some reason we feel the cost of making that person also feel special to be too high. so we allow our relationships to wither and die, amongst arguments about money, stuff and how special we think we deserve to be.
but viewed in this light, prostitution is not only the worlds oldest profession, its the worlds ONLY profession
so the secret to finding love, and the secret to finding wealth are set out cleanly for you.
all you have to do is think about what side of the equation you want to be. if you want to be wealthy find a way to make people feel special, trade that for their money. if you want love, find some body and make them feel special, trade that for them making you feel special. admittedly this is a little harder than the first one. but still easer than getting a c+ in calculus. It can take some work, but its totally doable. this just requires that instead of 'fate' you decide what you want for your life... if that sounds difficult, might i suggest you take some time to search for the meaning of life first.




(and if you ask me about the meaning of life, just know that it'll make me feel special!!!)

:P

yet another path to Not logical morality

All the theory's I work up stem from the “fact” that all men are created equal, or at least there lives are of equal value.
This leads many of my theories to emotional crescendos. However, as I am fond of cutting the basic theory out from under others belief structures, and there is no one else around right now; I'll try to examine the everyone is equal theory.

First it is obvious that not every one is mathematically equal. We vary in a number of important aspects. Height weight speed intelligence attractiveness ect.
Then what we mean when we say that one is equal is that one person ought to be of no more value than another.
But here we come up against reality. We each value ourselves much higher than we value strangers on the other side of the world. When we buy groceries, we claim most for our families and friends and spare little if any for the homeless. And as a plain fact I value my mother more than i value most others on this planet. I think most other people do as well. As a species who remain helpless infants for such a long time, it is difficult to imagine species survival if we didn't place a much higher value on our selves and families than on outsiders.
So then if people are of differing values to each of us, how do we then justify claiming all men are equal? The argument that to each man he is most valuable cant stand up once you factor in suicides and acts of extreme bravery when protecting others. As well; using the general value every one places on each other as that's persons actual value, presupposes that each person is equal in there ability to assign value?
Why would i have to accept the opinion of a person whom i value so little that i will allow them to starve to death? (we allow people to starve in every city as we waste our money on frivolous things like clothing).
In fact as its obvious that once hes dead he is unable to have values, this would tend to justify my killing others in order to have my values and wishes expressed.
This seems to play in to the “might is right” mind set.
Now far be it for me to challenge the equality of man, and stop because might is right sounds overtly aggressive.
Supposing for a second that, a logical morality did boil down to brute force. This doesn't necessarily lead to a master slave relationship. Because as I learned from both the smurfs and gummy-bears, one twig is easily broken, but not a bundle. There is strength in numbers. This would lead us to conclude that we ought to value those who would band together with us and further our causes. accepting that we would also want to further there causes. But this is nothing like equality, for we needn't value all that would support us the same. The stronger (and more powerful, assuming money/power needn't need strength) a member of our group, the more she is to be valued. And the weaker the more dis-valued. Now i admit this sounds closer to the world we do live in than any notion of actual equality. But I'm not ready to admit that the out come of a logical morality is the feudal system that has already crumbled. It is no logical to persist in acts one knows will lead only to failure.
So either we have to either turn back and find another path from might begets right, or back farther and realize its illogical to value people differently. Or develop a parabolic equation on how we value others , one that can't allow for us allowing for others to die.

project 365

I want to do a project 365.
For those of you who have lives enough not to know what a project365 is, I'll tell ya.
the nearest I can tell (from less that 3 minuets on Google) is its typically a photo thing. You take a photo every day for a year to post on a blog or picasa or whatever. I've seen some verry cool ones that are more than photos like
http://skulladay.blogspot.com/
for instance.
If i were artistic I'd start a paining-a-day or some sorta thing. but i'm not!
so after staring blankly at my screen, not allowing myself to play free-cell or any music for 20 minuets, I have compiled the following small (and kinda sad for 20 min of trying) list;
My project 365 ideas

1 draw your own web comic
2 learn a chord
3 push-ups/working out
4 write a letter
5 burn something
6 pierce something
7 get a strangers phone number
8 photo
9 draw
10 kill
11 learn a new 7 letter word
12 make a video
13 sound byte a day
14 video a day
15 ass hole a day
16 social game a day
17 ...
this is just brainstorming people! number 10 ought to prove not all ideas have to be good or worthy... besides Halifax doesn't have the population to support 365 murders! (Edmonton maybe)... oops digressing again...
Any way any ideas you may have good or bad would be appreciated.
This weeks project is to get ideas and prepare for my very own project 365.
Hopefully to be announced on Canada day!
so come on fire me some ideas yo...

your world

you live in a country governed by the rule of "law" yet you don't study it and don't fight as long as your only marginally infringed upon.
You live in cities of thousands of people, yet you don't study human behaviour?
You created something called economy, gave it the power to force starvation on yourselves and others, every day you participate in it, yet you don't truly understand how it works and have devoted absolutely no time in learning about it.
You are willing and eager to computerize everything you possibly can, and have zero understanding of how computers work.
Yet when one who has spent some time investigating the the structures that control you, tries to warn you of a need to alter your actions, you look to the other unaware for your cue to act?

Fuck you all!
I refuse to spend my time trying to inform the wilfully ignorant.
If you choose to look to the heard before action, you will be driven off the same cliff as the others.
I ask you plainly and directly, make your choice, are you sheep or shepherd? Red pill blue pill?
realize your actions and not your words will be your answer.
If you choose to remain unaware and untrained, you will be lead and slaughtered with the rest.
I am stepping away from my role as informant to the deaf. its been fun.
But the collie dose not heard the sheep from with in the pack.

Do-not call list appears to be working: Poll???

they called people on the do not call list to see how well it was working???? am i the only one who sees the problem with that?
http://www.thestar.com/News/Canada/article/598732
seriously i cant make this stuff up