meaning?

when life gets the better of us, and bad things happen it is normal for people to question the meaning of life.
the idiots response
i cant figure it out therefor it makes no sense therefor there is no god
the the simpletons response
i cant figure it out , but id like it to make sense, therefor there must be a god
the enlightened response
i cant figure it out therefor it needs more consideration, therefor there may be a god
My response
i figured it out therefor...

my email to mandel

My mother is nearing 60. As a professional single mom , she had her hard ships. Now she is being forced to move in with her mother (nearing 80) so they both can afford to live. But this letter isn't about anything so trivial as the loss of dignity for a couple of loving soles. Its about the fact that now i am also considering moving in with them. Not to relieve the pressures of living in a economic boom ,but to protect them from the unprecedented violence this city is experiencing.
“The art mayor” the one who will go down in history as the proof that even during economic access “the left” can't run a city.
While focusing on necessity such as road sign triangles, and a new stadium, (that we all believe wont cost tax payers any thing), the superfluous things have gone unattended. Things like police. We have had the Guardian Angels come in to attempt to pick up the slack left by an under funded mismanaged police force. Because thats what a city needs; a charity group police. If we cant assure the safety of the people, why do they pay taxes? Why not pay it to the growing number of gangs. and see if maybe they would be willing to defend their income base. My mother walks her dog less than a block from the latest shooting. How am i to rest thinking that a midnight piddle run could put her in the line of fire?
I'm sure as mayor you have more important things to worry about. But we know once Albertans choose a political mistake we stick with it. So you have many terms to immortalize your self. and in the not too distant future, you can have a plaque on the new hockey house. A plaque i can run my nieces and nephews past sheltering them from the LA style gang wars.
sincerely hating my city
Scott Sinclair

pay for it?

it may be part of some lie , or a broad stroke of corporate brain washing. but we in the west like to shop. and well, it may be true that we need to fix our selfs of this compulsion to hide our inner needs in shopping... we don't have time.
the planet is entering an ecological tail spin. if we don't fix it first we all die. causing no more compulsion to shop. problem solved.
most of us are hoping for a bit more animated solution. so lets stop fighting up hill battles. will someone PLEASE work out the dollars and cents of what it would cost to fix our ill planet. if we had a number no matter how absurdly large, we could get people motivated. hell celebrities could auction off the dresses they were photographed puking out the sides of cabs in. some thing the un-caring masses can but and show their equally self absorbed friends that they are indeed purchasing the cure.
i mean there has to be something else i can buy other than adbusters to display that i am the cure. like trading cards for the earth.

52% dident vote and a maybe dead cat

a long time ago people got mad at being controlled by kings who had no right other than birth to rule. what passed for left wing politics at the time, returned with the idea of us doing it our selves. so as a group we decided to govern our selves. but some how this ratfuck town has for gotten all of that. we can pay 1.2 million dollars for big signs on the road, but cant afford a police department to keep us safe. so much now that the government is relying on the guardian angels to come in and pick up the slack. we can put up a new stadium for a privately owned hockey club. but cant extend the buses so the populous can get around. the government has ceased to be a voice for the people and has become a funding arm for large corporations. you get to the provincial level and we have health care always under the gun as not being affordable, we have had our roads go to hell, and we subsidize the oil company's to take our oil and sell it back to us. you know why people don't vote? its because we can see the government isn't our voice, no party is. and its not about us, its about business. if some one < ANY ONE gave us something to vote for, then you may get over half the people to actually vote. but when all party's are on a slide rule of how much $ to offer or limit to various company's... well we don't give a shit. tell me how your going to put things in place for the PEOPLE. id say we have only a coupla years before the people get tired of being marginalized, and grab guns. and it would be the end of a good idea of a country. but its becoming a worse and worse country so maybe thats why they are letting it die.
i cant understand it. thinking out side the box is easy; but like Schrödinger's cat; its trying to figure out what the fuck is going on in the inside thats the challenge.

think about it first

USE your mind.
no seriously, take time to think about stuff that doesn't easily flow through your predigest, things that take energy to wrap your mind around. not like math problems, although they can be used but to really understand things like the sun never sets and Australasians don't fall off the world , how do they view the globe. what was my grandfathers childhood really like and how did he think of the future. accept that your view of the world is probably wrong and construed through the layered beliefs placed on you by fear laden hearts. people who didn't mean bad, but were trying to protect you from a world that had hurt them or worse scared them. challenge all of your beliefs. the more commonly held an opinion the more you need to search for a reason to maintain it. your life is just a short rhythm on your sole and you really don't have time to to be lost in others fears. when you can clear your mind and use it to do your bidding other than just cycle through fear based emotional spasms. then, Then you can ask me your questions.
strip your self of fear so when you stand in gods presence you can stand.
god will not have fear and to rejoin him you may not either
your fears are now yours, and are now your fault. you must cure yourself.
the good news is its easy. just challenge every thing that you think. tear at your thoughts as a starving dog goes at the marrow of a bone.
don't look to others for approval. you must find approval within your self. only do what you approve of you doing. never regret. NEVER. for your past has lead you here. and from the here and now you are going forward. relentlessly pursue your self your own mind your own moment. the place ware all eternity cant be with out. it is that place in your mind you cultivate.nothing is too big or small to be questioned. there is no blasphemy in thought. the only true blasphemy, comes from not thinking. from being to lazy to use your mind thus accepting anothers ideas as truth. use YOUR mind.

i think i figured it out. i have always just done as i felt was right. but through some mind fuck twist i have started worrying about how i am perceived to others.i haven't even been blogging because i now feel the need to answer to people about what i was thinking... it says up there ^ that its a spot to post my thoughts. not fodder for your conversation. just if you want to know what im thinking, then its hear. if you want to question my thoughts? don't expect me to wast my time

i dont know what im doing right now.
ive spent my life just following a path that was laid out for me. i never had to worrie too much b/c i had seen the end and was alright with it.
until recently.
in the last year the sense that im doing nothing has grown up around me. more terrifying still, is that doing nothing is the wrong thing.
a latent stress is piling on as if to warn me that i need to do something... any thing and that the longer i wait the more work its going to be.
this could be a caffeine thing though so ill get back to ya