I think the reason I will never be married, is if I spend a large amount of time with one person, I find other sides of my personality moaning of starvation. I’m sure that if I was a truly well rounded person, I wouldn’t find this kind of nagging emptiness.
I hate Edmonton! Before I moved here I had a circle of friends that allowed me to exercise many parts of my personality, I had a girlfriend who if not ecstatic, was resigned to a partitioned time segment. I did miss my family. But I had resolved to never move back to Lethbridge, so the longing I felt for my family I was able to chalk up to the bitter sweet, pain of being my own man. As if I had won and earned the feeling and it ought to be worn proudly as a battle scar.
But now my family has moved to Edmonton, so I get to see them more often. This however is tampered with the more severe (because it has to be kept secret) pain of not having much of a life to share with them. When we are together, I feel I have nothing to contribute, and fall in to the role of late night talk show host. I come in tell a few jokes, and then interview others to feel as though we were having a conversation. Thank god for my brother whose unabashed desire to be the center of attention, draws all the focus. So we as a family can all feel we have done something together, by laughing at /with Sonny.
If I ever do marry, it will surly be so that I’m not saddled with the chore of trying to feed myself each and every evening. Seriously, it might be worth it to not have to decide on something tasty, affordable, easy to make, And Different! Each and every day. I have that pesky belief in equality, that would make it so I’d have to go through this “devils triangle” every other night. But still 50% freedom from this chore is worth the cost of a ring.
Every one goes through this eventually; hence Moorse makes money renting tuxes.
What ever his reasons were, my best friend was starting to make this decision. And his cute unassuming nefarious tart, was having a real problem with his own exercising of other areas of his personality. Hilarity ensued. No seriously, if loosing my best friend to her manipulation and out and out attacks didn’t hurt so much, the battles would have been comical.
Being as how I’m slow to warm to new people, (or it takes them a while to figure out it’s just a joke), I have found myself spending most of my time with one person. Exclusively. I am a little short on people to “round my self out” with so instead of actively pursuing other interests and fields; I retreat back to this one person. And she great, I’m not complaining about that. I’m just stating that the other sides of me are screaming for food.
I refuse to believe that returning to school was a mistake, therefore it must be moving to Edmonton. Or; I just had this thought; it could be that I’ve just stayed too long. I haven’t stayed in the same place for longer than 2 years since I moved out from my moms. And I’ve been in Ed for 3 and a half. Well there’s a new superstition for me to test.
So now I’m deciding on returning to Saskatoon to continue my schooling, or to try some ware new.
If I go some ware new, I may develop problems at the 2 year mark, which isn’t good, considering I’m taking a 7 year degree. If I return to Saskatoon, I know things wont be quite the same, as well as I may have worn out my 2 years there, And it has the whole going backwards thing, unless going here was the mistake then its not going backward its correcting (like someone ought to do to this run-on sentence).
I have other reasons for leaving Edmonton. Pragmatic ones like the cost of living and such. So what do you think I should do?
1 comment:
There are schools everywhere. Go where there are other things that make you happy. Go where there are art galleries or lots of music venues or sports arenas or whateverthefuck you want to surround yourself with.
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