what i thought was an innocent way of attempting to reach out to my friends and family, apparently was hurting some peoples feelings. so no more all about me letters. ill just go back to screaming at my walls. they don't hear nor respond. but at least i don't feel like shit for trampling on people's feelings. if you want superficial always ok conversations about safe topics. get them from some ware else. i'm already lonely enough, i don't need to compound it.
by discussing topics we don't care about, and ensuring that every thing we say is safe and sanitized. in short, by not expressing who we really are, we exasperate the alone feelings and ensure that we will no longer grow closer.
so i will post my feelings and rants here on my blog, your not reading it any way so it cant hurt you.
i can't make people live engaged relationships. but i can sure as hell refuse to be part of the fluff bullshit fake ones you wish to impose on me.

the conversation IS the relationship.

an open letter to my roomate

how have you been lately?

ill let you in on a little secret.
when people ask how are you, or hows your day,
its bullshit
absolute and utter crap
nobody, absolutely nobody really cares how your really feeling
we say it because if we feign interest in your life,
you'll feign interest in ours
its bullshit, yes
but in the absence of any real answers
the entire planet has decided to go with it.
even a misanthrope such as you
you enjoy when someone inquirer's about your opinion

its actually amazing when you think of it
on this planet we still kill each other over our ideas of the afterlife
we cant decide to allow everyone the dignity to eat
the Internet is abuzz with conflicting opinions regarding every piece of cinema ever made
nothing else can we agree upon
but this
this one piece of bullshit
we mostly agree its bullshit as well
but this is the only unifier
ill pretend to care about your problems if you pretend to care about mine.
its the real social contract
So Mitchel,
before you go off on a tyraid about how your being disrespected,
pause, and think for a second;
have you pretended to care about what i feel?
if not...
What makes you think I'll even PRETEND TO GIVE A SHIT about you?
by the way...

hows that stuff you care about going?